2018 was not my friend. It was full of self-doubt, endless insecurities, and sometimes brought me an overwhelming amount of depression and anxiety…and that’s okay. Not every year can be one for the books, what matters is that you made it through the whole 365 days – it doesn’t matter how you got there, the point is that you did. Every difficult moment you went through taught you something and made you stronger, at least that’s what I’m telling myself.
I’d be lying if I said there weren’t some great moments this year, in fact, there were quite a few. I got to go on a birthday trip with my sister to see Taylor Swift who I’m not afraid to admit is one of my guilty pleasures. I went to ENDLESS shows – it was a really good year for that, expensive too though but I’m choosing to overlook that. I’ve made some amazing friends and memories with them. I got a cat, which is definitely something I never thought I would say. The biggest thing though that happened was me having enough courage and belief in myself to start my own business – if you know anything about me I have a very hard time taking risks and believing in myself and what I am possible of, so that was big, to say the least.
So even though this year I feel like I lost myself once again, and I still sort of am, I am determined more than ever to make 2019 an incredible year for myself, or at least try to. I have a really bad track record when it comes to keeping promises to myself, so I’m hoping that if I write everything down that I want to try and make happen in the new year, there’s a high chance I’ll hold myself accountable and actually do it. So in 2019, this is what I want to achieve:
- Learn to love myself – I hate to admit it but I’ve always had a hard time liking who I am or the way I look. I always thought I was too nerdy, weird and awkward, which I am all those things but I’m slowly learning to love those because let’s face it – being a nerd is fun, being weird means you’re not normal and who wants to be normal (not me, that’s boring), and well awkward… that’s just who I am and at least I can laugh about it. This year though I want to learn how to love those things and who I am, and to start actually liking how I look because this is who I am and it’s all I have. So I’m going to try and stop with all the negativity, and start believing in myself and what I can do, and to really stop putting myself down every time I look in the mirror.
- Find love or at least like – For the longest time I felt like I deserved the way I was being treated, or that there was something wrong with me, but I’ve realized that, just like everyone else, I am worthy of being treated well, and I am worthy of being and feeling loved by someone else because I’m a catch (lol not really but I’m hoping someone will think so). I think that would be really nice, but we’ll see when that happens, I’m not going to rush it.
- Move to England – for YEARS, and I really do mean years, I have been talking about living in England and I probably sound like a broken record to my family every time I say that living in England is the dream…but why not make it reality and not just a dream that will never happen? Well, I’m going to make it happen this year, and even just thinking about it makes me so excited about all the possibilities. So if you’re looking for a nerdy, weird friend and you live somewhere in England (not that anyone from there is reading this), I am your girl!
- Be happy – Nothing much to say really except that I just want to be happy. Happy with myself, where I am in life…just happy. It’s something we all deserve.
These might seem like little, silly things for someone to want for themselves, but for me it’s huge and I know it’s going to take some or a lot of work…but in the end, it will be worth it, right?
I hope 2018 treated you all well, and if it didn’t…well do what I’m doing, say a big “fuck you 2018” and make sure 2019 is killer.